I mentioned yesterday that I've been reading a lot lately. Another book that I've recently completed is
Love and War: Finding the Marriage You've Dreamed Of, by John and Staci Eldredge.
I was actually supposed to have finished this one by the week of Valentine's so I could participate in the Blog Tour, but unfortunately, I didn't make that deadline. I'm posting about it now, though...so, better late than never, right?
Anywho... :-)
You all know what a fan I am of the Eldredges. (Ahem... the name of my blog give you a clue?) But I have to say, this book was MAGNIFICENT! As I was reading and making notes in the margins, I was constantly thinking, "I need to blog that"... "that's a great quote for the blog"... etc, etc, etc...
Well, let's just say that if I were to include everything that I noted in the margins, this blog post may go on for days! Instead, I would like to just share with you my top five take-aways from the book.
#1. It can be done. And it's worth it.
Many people think that a "good marriage" is an impossiblity. The best we can hope for is to somehow coexist and "share life" without killing each other. But intimacy? romance? trust? These are just pipe dreams. NO! That's a lie...
"A lie is going to come to both of you... in subtle and not-so-subtle ways. It can't be done. It's too hard. We had unrealistic expectations. It is isn't worth it."
The entire premise of the book is to refute this lie. To cast the vision for a full, rich, abundant, life and marriage. After all, isn't that what
Jesus said he came to offer us? For that reason alone, I know it's possible!
#2. From changing you to changing me.
Basically this means exactly what it says. Instead of focusing on the things about our spouses we wish we could change, why not ask God to work in our own hearts and minds and CHANGE "me" first! We are all broken, flawed people, and in order to better relate to others - particularly our mates - we must seek our own healing and restoration.
I (Staci) didn't even know this kind of healing and freedom was available. But it is... I am asking God to bring healing to every are of my life and every broken place of my heart. Like the leper in Matthew, I am asking him to heal, if he is willing. And do you remember his never-changing answer to the leper, to me, to you? He says, "I am willing" (Matthew 8:3).
#3. How to have a really good fight.
This isn't what you think. In this chapter, John and Staci deal a lot with spiritual warfare.
Satan is respected in the Bible as a very active threat, but few people actually live like it. Seriously, how many couples do you know that recognize what Satan is doing in their lives and actually pray against it on a daily basis? Weekly? Monthly?
You have an enemy. Your marriage has an enemy. Believe it or not this is very good news. because the epiphany that follows is this----your spouse is not the enemy.
This is great news, because once our enemy has been correctly identified, the better our chances of fighting him off. The objective is to learn how to fight with (along side) my husband and for my marriage. And as you might have guessed, the most powerful weapon in our arsenal is prayer.
We live in a love story set in a great war. The enemy is having a field day with our marriage. It is coming after our kids. It is wrecking family vacations or our friendship or relationships. We are going to deal with it.
And dealing with it means that you pray directly against it. You pray against it.
This was my favorite chapter in the book. The Eldredges go on to give guidance as to how to pray specifically against the attacks against our marriages. How to pray with, for, and over our mates. There is a "sample" prayer at the back of the book to get you started.
#4. Beware of little foxes.
The premise of this section comes from a verse of scripture located in the Song of Solomon...
Catch for us the foxes, the little foxes that ruin the vineyards, our vineyards that are in bloom (Song of Songs 2:15)
John tells the story of the gophers that destroyed Staci's rose garden one year, and relates it to the quote above...
In the charming and romantic book of the Old Testament called Song of Songs, there appears a warning to the madly-in-love-and-somewhat-naive newlyweds to beware the "little foxes" that ruin the vineyards... The metaphor was meant to invoke the image of "cunning little menaces you tend to ignore but could of themselves wreak havoc on a marriage." Think gophers in the garden. It works for us.
In this chapter John and Staci deal with everything from "little quirks" and "taboo topics" to "family boundaries" and "the pace of life". These are all "little foxes" that threaten to chew up the beautiful roses that are blooming in our relationships.
#5. Weather the storms.
Now that the "little things" have been addressed, in this chapter, the Eldredges deal with all of the "major" obstacles that we may face in a marriage. Things that come along that are beyond our control and threaten to sweep us away like a mighty wave in a storm tossed sea. It's chocked full of familiar scenarios and scripture that addresses each one. The most memorable passage comes on the last page...
There are some things that remain true at all times and for all God's children no matter what. It's good to let your mind and your heart rest in these truths. Read these aloud. Remember:
Like I said at the start, this is a wonderful book. There is much much more that I could add... But I'll let you fill in the blanks for yourself as you read it (yes, if you haven't figured it out by now, I highly recommend it!). I will tell you that Chris' favorite chapter (he hasn't read it yet, either... just the excerpts that I read aloud to him as I was reading) was the "The Chapter on Sex". (Yep. That's the actual title). He he!! And it was full of a lot of really great advice, too. ;-)
The best thing about
Love and War, though, was that it really didn't tell me anything I didn't already know. Many of the concepts outlined are things that I have heard and been taught throughout my life and marriage. It was really great, however, to have them all tied together in such a neat little package.
I plan to read it again. This time along with my husband as we learn how to better relate to each other and engage more effectively in our "love story set in the midst of a war". I'm ready to join the fray... to fight for the marriage I've always dreamed of... because it can be done.
And it's worth it.
He proposed two years later, on his knees in the surf.
