Best Practices of Pastor’s (Church Planter) Wives

I really hope you’ve enjoyed this series.  Since many of you have asked about it, here are my notes (outline) from Tricia Lovejoy’s breakout session at ChurchPlanters.com.  My sincere hope is that this blesses and encourages you as much as it did me!

Best Practices for Pastor’s Wives

1.  Accept disappointment not discouragement.

• Decide in advance that you will NEVER give up!!
• This is where Tricia shared her story from yesterday’s post.  Many of us teared up with her as she shared from her heart.
• Tricia also shared these verses:
  • Phillipians 3: 13-14 – PRESS ON!
  • Galatians 6:9 – DON’T GIVE UP!
  • 1 Timothy 6:12 – FIGHT THE GOOD FIGHT!

2.  Pastor your peers.

• Proverbs 27:17 - “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another”.
• Shepherd the wives on your staff.  Tricia offered several suggestions on how to do this:
  • weekly emails
  • phone-calls to celebrate: birthdays, anniversaries, years of service
  • Bible Study – Gave an example of how she and a couple other staff wives read through a book of the Bible together, and shared their notes daily, via email.  Very cool idea!
  • Shopping Trips
  • Girl's Night Out (ex: first Wed night of every other month)
  • Staff Retreats (pastors AND wives)
• Promote unity and loyalty… cast vision for these ladies as to what you expect (or don’t expect) from them for your leadership team.

3.  Leverage life’s seasons.  Work on ministry when you can’t work in ministry.

• “Be the eyes and ears when you can’t be the hands”.
  • Tricia gave examples of seasons of life (babies/small children) when you literally can’t be as involved as you’d like.  During one of these times in her life, she decided to go to church one Sunday and pretend she was a visitor.  She looked at everything (service programs, children’s area, music, message, etc…) through the eyes of a first time guest.   She wrote down ideas of how things may be improved and took them to ministry leads in those areas.  Don’t do this in “condescending” or “bossy” way… truly show and attitude of help and assistance.
  • Find areas where you can help work ON the ministries of your church, even when you are not available to work IN them.
  • In some cases, you may need to share your suggestions w/ your husband (Lead Pastor) and let him share with those in that ministry.  Be prudent.

4.  Work yourself out of a job.

• Train and equip others to serve the Body.
• The main point of being an effective leader is to TRAIN OTHERS to do what you do!
• Don’t take on things/ministries/service opportunities for the long term.
• As the pastor’s wife, you will wear many hats, but have an exit strategy!

5.  Kick the church to the curb.

• Church planting is your life, but your home should still be a SAFE place to fall!
  • set limits on work time – have a time each evening to shut off laptops, cell phones, etc…
  • create outside interests for you and your husband to enjoy together
  • establish a Family Night each week and GUARD IT!!
  • limit the number of nights each week that you are willing to be away from home/each other
  • make time, on a regular basis, for your friends
• The best gift you can give your church is a HEALTHY MARRIAGE!

6.  Relish the responsibility!

Titus 2:7b  “Let everything you do reflect the integrity and seriousness of your teaching”.

• Enjoy being a Pastor’s wife!
• Assist him in leading and shepherding…
  • Be available to talk to people after services.
  • Be patient with people as they grow spiritually. (Realize that everyone is NOT where you are!)
  • Put PEOPLE over PROGRAMS! – told the story of one of the staff pastors who has pictures of himself and one other person all over his office.  Each picture is labeled with the name of the person in it, all under a banner that says: People over Programs.  Pretty awesome!
  • Be aware that people are watching you. (What kind of example are you setting?)
  • Change the way people think about pastor’s wives – be transparent, be REAL (Proverbs 27:19)
  • Challenge your own spiritual growth.  Do not put your ministry over your OWN PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP WITH JESUS!!

ABOVE ALL remember Proverbs 4: 25-27:

“Look straight ahead, and fix your eyes on what lies before you.  Mark out a straight path for your feet; then stick to the path and stay safe.  Don’t get sidetracked; keep your feet from following evil”.

Thanks again Tricia for speaking into my life, and sharing these awesome tips!

 

  

DON’T FORGET!! Tomorrow I will announce the “fabulous prize” winner, so if you haven’t already, leave a comment on any post from this week (including this one) to be entered to win!  Share your thoughts on being a church planter/pastor’s wife (or any other wife for that matter!).  What are your “best practices”??  Inquiring minds want to know!