(Warning: Before you read any further you should know...this post was very difficult to write, and a little unusual for me...)
Despite all of the excitement over the last couple of weeks (maybe because of it) I feel the need to sign off for a little while.
It's so hard because I really wanted to participate in the new Bloggy Giveaway, and I look forward each week to Living Well, and Thankful Thursday...they are like lifelines to me. I also had a couple of posts I was working on about my dear, sweet Valley Girl, and a humbling award from Susan... but it will all have to wait. My life is a bit (okay, a lot) chaotic right now, and I need to take time to reflect, and hopefully, to rejuvenate.
I know it may sound weird, because I always try to be so positive and uplifting here at Truly Captivating, but the truth is I am tired. There is so much going on right now, that I haven't been doing anything (nothing...no thing) well. My house is a wreck (has been for weeks, which is TOTALLY NOT like me), my relationships are strained, my business is sporadic at best, and I seem to be failing miserably at achieving all the goals I have set for myself this year, including and especially, my quiet time with Jesus...(and it's only January!!)
I know this is "brutal honesty", and I apologize for that, but one thing I never want to be accused of is being "fake" or hypocritical. No "posing" here.
That being said, I need your prayers. I am really having a hard time...
I feel like a failure. Failing my husband... my children... my friends... my ministries... and most definitely, my Lord. (You are probably thinking, "Man, where is this coming from?? I had no idea!". Trust me, it's been brewing for a while...and I just can't hide it any longer.)
I have always been an "overachiever" and extremely critical of myself. It's really hard not to be "in control", or feel like I have any sense of control over my life, my self, right now. God has been teaching me so much lately, about His Church, and what it can/should be to reach out to those who are hurting, broken, and detached from His love. Maybe that is part of the burden... I hurt so deeply for those precious souls who feel helpless, and hopeless; those that are wandering...wondering...
But how can I help them, if I am not whole? How can I shine the light of Christ when I have let circumstances, and my own raw emotions, become an obstacle to my own Source of light and strength?
There are also some "issues" from my past that continue to rear their ugly little heads. No matter how many times I Break Free...they seem to be always lurking...waiting to ensnare me with their lies. I would be lying if I said that somewhere deep down, that is not part of this... it always is...
I need to take a few days (hopefully not too long, but we'll see...) to rest.
28 Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy-laden and overburdened, and I will cause you to rest. [I will ease and relieve and refresh your souls.] 29 Take My yoke upon you and learn of Me, for I am gentle (meek) and humble (lowly) in heart, and you will find rest (relief and ease and refreshment and recreation and blessed quiet) for your souls. 30 For My yoke is wholesome (useful, good--not harsh, hard, sharp, or pressing, but comfortable, gracious, and pleasant), and My burden is light and easy to be borne.
Matthew 11:28-30 (Amplified Bible)
I'm not very good at resting...especially when I am keyed up, and strung out over all that is going on in my life. But one thing (well actually, two things) I know... I can either do ALL things through Christ, and His strength, or I can do NOTHING without Him.
So that being said, I need to plug back into the Source. I need to crawl up in His lap, and ask Him to forgive me for leaving HIM out of HIS plans for my life. I need to love on Him, and allow Him to love on me. I need to admit that I am helpless without him, and that HE and HE alone deserves ALL THE CONTROL over my life. I need to let go, and let "Jesus take the wheel". He is my only reason for being...He is my life, my strength, my all.
Maybe I haven't discouraged too many of you with this "whiny" post. I apologize for unloading all of this... but I felt I needed to be real. I hope you will all remember me in your prayers, as I remember each of you. I will miss you... but hopefully, when I return, I will be stronger, and more in love with Jesus than ever!! Thank you all for listening, praying, and caring. You are all so dear to my heart and precious to me!
28 comments:
{{{{{Susanne}}}}}
It is hard to be *real* and yet I think the most effective ministry comes from people who are *real*. So know that this season in your life will bear fruit in the future.
And be reminded that God's love does not depend on your works. He will never love you more or less....he just loves you ABUNDANTLY no matter what! Read Ephesians 3:14-21, especially verse 18 to be reminded of HIS LOVE for YOU! My prayer is that this reminder will help you to see that there is no way you can be a failure for you live in the depth of His love.
{{{{{Susanne}}}}}
Blessings,
Tammy ~@~
Susie-Q,
You are always in my prayers. I will pray especially for those nasty little past beasts that keep rearing their ugly little heads. We all struggle with our pasts but it will never make you a failure. You are constantly in the loving hands of the Father!
I don't know if you have heard this song or not but if you can find it you should listen to it. Point of Grace "Heal the Wound" I recently found it and dowloaded it. I listen to it quite frequently. You are my big sister adn I am always, always here for you to lean on and to listen to you! I love you very much!
KK
Whew! That music was just a little too much for me first thing in the morning.
I am sure that you are doing what is best for you and your family. Sometimes we just stretch ourselves too thin. And that isn't what God wants. We have to make sure that the ministry we have is of Him and not us. I pray that this will be a time of restoration and renewing for you.
Blessings,
Mama Bear
Tammy -
Thanks so much for the hugs...I really needed them today!! I am going to study that scripture TODAY!
Karen -
You'll never know how precious you are to me. Thank you for always being by my side. I am going to check out that song...
Mama Bear -
Sorry about the music, didn't mean to wake you up so abruptly! (I just changed my song). Thanks for your words of encouragement.
Oh, Susanne. My heart breaks for you. Having been in this position a time or two myself, I know how frustrating it is and how helpless and dark it feels. But I find in these times I learn the most about myself and discover all over again how great God is. Remember, His strength is made perfect in our weakness. When we're 'handling' it all on our own, we're less likely to see His hands, His work, His grace and mercy.
You are NOT a failure just because you're feeling overwhelmed! Those closest to you know exactly what's going on in your lives right now and how stressful it is. Even when there is excitement, it can still be considered stress. You've got so much going on right now.
Thoreau wrote "Our life is frittered away by detail. Simplify, simplify." I think this can not only apply to our busy lives and overabundant possessions, but also what's going on in our minds. Our priorities and goals. I think taking a step back, eliminating things that don't "have" to be done or aren't absolutely essential is a huge step in the right direction.
Be encouraged that God is still working in and through you and is simply teaching you something else about yourself. You don't have to do it ALL to be a successful wife/mother/friend/blogger. Taking a break and re-evaluating shows wisdom and a desire to become stronger. There's everything right about that.
You know you're in my prayers!
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{giving you the biggest hug I can over the Internet!}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
Tammi -
You are so sweet, and so precious to me. I don't really understand it, but I feel SO CONNECTED to you...like you were supposed to be a member of my family, or something...another sister.
You should have heard us at the dinner table on Sunday... Mom, Karen, and I were all talking about you as if you were a member of the family (everyone else was like "Whaa? Who are y'all talking about??)...and I guess you are. You have impacted each of our hearts so greatly, and I am just so blessed to know you.
Thank you for your words of encouragement and love... you'll never know how much they mean to me!
I was just popping in here for the first time with Live Well. I will be praying for you through this challenging time.
Transparency is always the way to be with our fellow sisters in the Lord. It's how we know how to come along side one another best.
I'll check back in next week and see if you are back. In the meantime, please know I'm praying for you, Dear One!
Oh, I appreciate your realness. The fact is that there are times that we do need to reevaluate and refocus. Life just takes us captive sometimes. We all have been there. You are so wise in your decision and I pray that God heals you in His perfect timing. Hoping you will be back on here soon.
I just keep thinking about Jesus speaking to Peter and telling him that He would be praying for him and when he turns back to strengthen his brothers. This was when satan asked to sift him and was given permission. This will make you stronger. Keep your eyes on Jesus no matter what it "feels" like or no matter the circumstances. DO crawl into His lap and let Him love on you. Believe HIs word and all it says to be true about Him and about you.
Much love,
Angela
First of all you are not whining at all. You are bearing your heart and asking for prayers. I have been there believe you me.
Sometimes where you are at is a really good thing because you are doing what so many don't know and crying out to your Abba Father, your Daddy and asking him to help you and the wonderful thing is, He will, because you are his precious daughter.
You will be missed and maybe you can drop a tiny post now and then to let us know how you are doing, where you need prayer and such.
God Bless You and enjoy your time with your Heavenly Daddy. Hugs! ♥
Susanne, I tell ya, one of these days, I'm gonna hop on a plane and do a girly weekend with your family! I feel exactly the same way!!!!
Let me say that this was not a whiny post and I have been where you are and the only place to be is in His lap, at His feet for only He can bring healing, rest, renewal, and I will be praying for you!! Rest in Him my sweet friend!!
Love,
Patty
“When he went ashore he saw a great crowd, and he had compassion on them, because they were like sheep without a shepherd. And he began to teach them many things.” ~ Mark 6:34
To my dear sweet Susanne,
I'm so glad you decided to post on this TT. I believe God wanted to use this day to reach out to you and show you HIS COMPASSION.
I pray during this time he will continue to TEACH YOU SUSANNE, many things...
I know I've only meet you recently, but geez, it didn't take long for me to connect with you.
You have such a sweet spirit.
I'll be praying for you girlfriend. I'm here.
I care...
(((Hugs))) May you find refreshment and sweet times with Jesus this week!
No need to apologize for being honest and real. You are taking the best possible step to restoration and healing..spending time with Him! You will be in my prayers my precious sister in Christ.
Bless you dear one, thank you for sharing your heart. I will be lifting you up in my prayers. Keep trusting in Jesus, let Him carry you. He loves you so very much.
*HUGS* You are a HUGE blessing and definetely not a failure but a woman of beauty and strength!! Just opening your heart shows how strong you are! May God Bless you with abundance and love!
you're so honest and God knows your heart. (((HUGS)))
Bless your hear my friend hope God will bless you and your family. Take care.
I so totally understand, Susan...I pray that our Lord will refresh you over the time you need to kick-back, refocus on Him. I know that He can do it if you let Him. I know that I had to do the same thing - and He has taught me much...
Praying for you ((((hugs))))
<>< Iris
I came over to tell you thanks for stopping by on Thankful Thursday... Your post was beautiful, and I could have written it just as easily at certain points in my life... Thank you for reminding me to plug back into the Source!! Blessings as you seek Him with all your heart!!
I came here from Thankful Thursday. It is good that you opened your sweet heart. All of us get to the point that we need to rest, our minds and body. Some times for me it takes LOTS of praying and a change. It is a good thing to know you are tired and try to do something about it. It it the ones that do not realize that and push themselves over the edge. You hang in there girl. God is good and HE will comfort you. God Bless You!
Just wanted to drop you a note to let you know I'm praying for you!!
I just love your heart!!!
If you're ever in Columbia and want to grab some Starbucks let me know :) I'm so excited for you and Chris in this new journey!!
In Him,
Brooke (Arnold) Turner
Hey Sister!!
I checked out your blog today and I always have a hard time posting comments because you know I am your "computer incompetent" friend!! I just wanted you to know that you are always in my prayers and that HE IS STRONG IN OUR WEAKNESS. This is all happening in His time according to His plan!! Isn't that comforting to know? He actually knew that you would need to crash land right now. It will all come together just right in the end!! Take your time to mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually recuperate.
Did you get your scripture on today?
Don't be afraid for I am with you. Don't be DISCOURAGED, FOR I AM YOUR GOD. I will STRENGTHEN you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.
Isaiah 41:10
Did you get the parts that I yelled at you!! I love you, your family and friends love you and all that really matters is that your Maker loves you!!
Rest well tonight!!
In Him,
Jen
Whatever you do, do not beat yourself up. That is what the evil wants. To draw you further apart from the Lord. I have just landed here, but I will come back and will be praying for you to find peace and connection with God.
Susanne,
((((Hugs)))) I will be praying for you my dear friend. I know this was hard for you to write ~ but always know that God loves you more than you can even imagine. I pray that you will be renewed and refreshed while taking a break from the blogging world.
Blessings and prayers to you...
Wow Susanne,
It looks like a lot of us feel this way. You are right to share your heart because it give other's the freedom to also feel they just need to be alone with Jesus.
Oh, praying your time in His arms refreshes you. Will missyou for a time but will look forward to your return and your renewed heart.
Love you, Lynn
Its so good to know we all have the same problems and God is always there to love us through them. Girl you know I love you and I'll be praying for you..
God, Please be with Susanne today and hold her close through this rough time. I love you Jesus! Amen.
Sorry that I didn't get here last week. I was busy with CWO, but I'm praying for you. Enjoy your rest in the Lord. Blogging can get all to burdonsome sometimes, even when we try to keep it light.
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